And My First Impression Is: I Hate You
by Silberias
Summary: Why Kakashi hated innocent little Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura-at least why he said so. A conversation between Kakashi and Sarutobi as to the fate of "Team Seven"


The conversation which preceded Kakashi's arrival at the Academy classroom at the very beginning. Why he hated them from the start. **8.30.2010:** Ending edited for story-flow.

Enjoy!

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"You wanted to speak with me, Hokage-sama?" Despite his reputation for extreme tardiness, Kakashi was always prompt for mission assignments as well as appointments—save for appointments at the hospital, those never seemed to make it into his mental calendar. But a meeting with Sandaime was more than enough to get him to show up on time, like a good shinobi.

"Yes, Kakashi-kun," Kakashi didn't waver at the hated honorific.

"I have here the list of recent Academy graduates, and I have a team of three which I would like you to take on." Although Sandaime's words carried the connotation of choice, of possible reconciliation with this idea—how many teams did he have to fail before the Academy got the idea of teamwork?—the tone which those words were said in brooked no argument. Kakashi sighed and took the proffered folder, flipping it open and settling into a comfortable position to read.

As per regulation, no names or genders were attached—bias was prohibited, and a blind team selection was the best method of selecting sensei from among the Jounin candidates. Sometimes it could be figured out who was who—typically those from clans with kekkei genkai or jutsu secret to the clan—but that was rare. Bloodline abilities didn't typically manifest until thirteen or fourteen, and secret jutsu were just that—secret.

All Kakashi knew was that Sandaime wanted him to have this team for a particular reason.

The first candidate was strong in genjutsu identification during testing, as well as trap making and disablement. They were weak—very weak—in taijutsu, and only moderately better in ninjutsu. Definitely a possible genjutsu specialist if they had even a modicum of creativity and willpower. That weak taijutsu, though, that was worrying.

The second candidate made the first look good. A hand written note in the margin stated that this candidate had recently shown a high aptitude for chakra-concentrated attacks, despite what their test scores said about their ninjutsu—poor. Below even the baseline for draftees during wartime, when Konoha needed numbers not skill. Their taijutsu was respectable, but nothing to write home about. Kakashi wouldn't have believed the low numbers in genjutsu if he didn't personally know Umino Iruka, and therefore know how meticulous the Chuunin was with accuracy.

The third candidate didn't convince Kakashi to buy what the Hokage was selling—it made his apprehension worse, made him want to reject the team entirely, or beg for a better balance. The third kid was excellent at spotting, creating, and dispelling genjutsu. They were also proficient at taijutsu to what was labeled as "Chuunin level at least," with various notes on speed and agility. Their ninjutsu was off the charts for a twelve year old. Kakashi automatically hated this one most out of all the candidates—how could such an excellent child possibly inspire the other two to engage in teamwork?

Kakashi knew how far an unbalanced team went—and he knew who died in what order, too. Beneath his mask, Kakashi schooled his face so that his eye would properly convey his thoughts. Sandaime was going to be disappointed—Kakashi wasn't even going to meet with this team, he would demand it disbanded and it's members repatriated into different teams. He was saving these kids' lives, by doing this.

"Hokage-sama, I respectfully decline the position of sensei for this team. I recommend that they not be assigned together, as well, because there is an obvious lack of balance between these three shinobi. You should know where that road leads."

_Team Minato_ lay down that road—with only it's scum remaining rather than it's great members. It had only occurred to Kakashi recently how good of a medic-nin his teammate Rin had been when she'd been alive—she'd performed a _field_ eye transplant, taking the eye of a dying man and putting it into the damaged and clotted eye socket of another, and it had taken less than fifteen minutes from the time she'd extracted Obito's eye and coaxed it into Kakashi's head. She'd then prevented the optic nerve of the Sharingan from burrowing straight through Kakashi's brain as it searched for the chakra pathway which all Uchiha clansmen had, an extra one solely for the Sharingan. She had been amazing.

And then there was Sensei, who had lived and died with honor—the man _sweated_ it. He was compassionate and loyal, he was brilliant and reserved, he was cool on the battlefield and warm in person, and he was the only shinobi in the village who could outrun Uzumaki Kushina when she got in one of her "murder Minato" moods before he'd finally asked her out in an attempt to preempt one of them. He had been amazing, too.

Obito wouldn't have wanted Kakashi to think of himself as scum, but it was the only thing Kakashi was capable of doing so that Obito's sacrifice meant something. If Kakashi had simply obeyed the bond of being a teammate instead of trying to redeem his father, Obito might be alive. He was worse than scum because of what he'd done, but still Obito had risked his life for him—and then Obito had lost it in that gamble. He had been amazing, and Kakashi knew he could never, _ever_ measure up to Uchiha Obito.

Because of how Team Minato had ended, Kakashi was _very _sure that there should never be a Team Kakashi which so closely resembled the one of his own childhood.

Hokage-sama's expression was nonplussed at Kakashi's words.

"Kakashi-kun, you will be permanently removed from the ANBU and be stripped of your rank of Jounin for a total of two years if you fail to meet with this team. If they cannot pass your test, then you are free to return to your life of daring-do. But you _will_ meet with them, because I feel that Team Seven will surpass all other teams in living memory, including that of my own students. Am I clear, Kakashi-kun?"

A lesser shinobi would have grit their teeth and ground out a curt "Hai," before bowing and leaving post-haste. Kakashi was not a lesser shinobi, just scum. He stood at a casual slouch, one hip taking his weight while he curved his spine toward the opposite direction so as to remain standing. It was the most energy efficient way of standing, and the Copy Nin was nothing if not efficient.

"I will give them the Bell Test and they will fail it, you know this, right, Sandaime?" Old Sarutobi's face showed not one iota of sympathy towards the three children that Kakashi was about to send back to the Academy. Kakashi _nearly_ ground his teeth in frustration—the three Genin would learn nothing from another year at the Academy, and the older a child got the less they hungered for battle. It was best to indoctrinate them at twelve or thirteen—or younger if at all possible—because then death, hard work, and pain became the norm. Any older and the kids began to develop actual personalities—ones which were not suited to the way of shinobi. "Genin" who were failed and sent back to the Academy at this age typically dropped out before their second graduation exam, and went into sectors of village life which far removed them from their childhood educations. Old man Teuchi who ran the Ichiraku Ramen stand, for example, was one such drop-out, and the only reason he tolerated shinobi was because they were impressive eaters and they always had money to pay for those appetites.

Kakashi was a firm believer in having as many active shinobi as possible—not for purposes of attrition, but for economic purposes. If Konoha could possibly suck up all of the available job requests going out to the five countries, take those requests away and conflicts would come to an end. And when those countries whose livelihoods had been stolen retaliated against Konoha, they would fall against the sheer numbers of Leaf shinobi.

Failing three Genin, and likely permanently removing at least one capable genjutsu-type—genjutsu types were always too sensitive, too creative for their own good, in Kakashi's point of view, and far too volatile for actual large-scale combat—from the fighting force…Kakashi didn't like it. He didn't like it at all. Sarutobi, meanwhile, still stared at Kakashi in askance.

"You've made yourself perfectly understood, Hokage-sama. I will go to Academy room," he glanced at the report in his hands, "five and notify the three of them when and where I will be failing them."

"You will not fail them because you do not like them, Kakashi-kun," Kakashi _hated_ talking to Sandaime for this very reason, the old man insisted on such honorifics. The old man calmly withstood Kakashi's glare, reaching deeply into a drawer of his desk, retrieving a scroll, and handing it to Kakashi. "This has each of their addresses on it, if you'd like to do some investigating. Remember, you _will _give them as fair and balanced a test as you've _always _given Genin candidates. It is only because I respect your method that I do not ask you to modify it. Now go."

_Respect your method my ass_, Kakashi thought uncharitably as he sprinted home over the rooftops. The Bell Test was something invented by the Shodai & Nidaime's father to test them and train them. They had passed it on to their students, one of whom had passed it on to Jiraiya, and so on. Kakashi's two bells were actually Minato-sensei's, given to _him_ by Jiraiya who had had them custom made after Orochimaru had stomped on the originals decades ago. The fact that Kakashi was willing to risk hanging them out and around Genin who were still wet behind the ears was both a testament to how much he believed in the efficacy of the test as well as his own ability compared to theirs. Well, their ability and their lack of teamwork. Teamwork without ability was ten times greater in Kakashi's book than ability without teamwork. However, without either, no one could hope to survive until even their Chuunin exam. This "Team Seven" was most certainly without ability, and Kakashi was sure that they would also be without teamwork.

Kakashi made a very quiet and deeply personal promise—Gai had rubbed off on him several years ago with his ridiculous behavior, although Kakashi would never admit it to his friend—that if "Team Seven," passed the Bell Test, he would never put itching powder in Gai's jumpsuit _ever_ again.

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